[πŸ“š] FAMOUS FIRST LINES FROM MY FUTURE AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL NOVELS

  1. β€’
    "Cheese. I had eaten my cat's weight in cheese."
  2. β€’
    "'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times' is a line from a famous book, I'm pretty sure."
  3. β€’
    "It's cold here, and very dark. It's day 3,007 of our enslavement under Supreme Lord Trump..."
  4. β€’
    "Billionaire. Playboy. Humanitarian. All words in the crossword puzzle I'm working on from the back of the Sunday circular."
  5. β€’
    "Welp, I guess I was wrong about using a reality show to pick your husband or wife..."
  6. β€’
    "Welp, I guess I was wrong about using a reality show to pick your President… "
  7. β€’
    "I lived my life the same way I ate my cheeseburgers: by ordering one with a pickle and then peeling off the pickle before eating the burger so you get that hint of pickle juice on the bun but not the overwhelming texture or seeds from an actual pickle."
  8. β€’
    "You're probably wondering why I decided to write a book when all of our wildest dreams are now beamed right into our brains on command. Well, it's funny..."