[🕹] LIVE LIST: PLAYING GTAV ONLINE WITH A BUNCH OF 11-YR-OLDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

Can't sleep, let's do this. #Pete #Parenthood
  1. Decided to play some Grand Theft Auto V with the only people who seem to be online this morning: 11-year-old boys.
  2. DON'T JUDGE ME, JUDGE JUDY.
  3. The major topic of conversation seems to be whether BTCHZGTSTCHZ is actually 13 or probably, like, just 11.
  4. Lots of half-baked mother jokes being thrown around here. Each punchline is essentially that your mother is sad.
  5. Apparently it's a thing now to turn up your own music and blare it into your gaming microphone for all online players to enjoy.
  6. And when multiple players do that, well, it's the Axe body spray of audio.
  7. Now Tyler wants to know if Griffin even knows what the definition of the word dictionary is.
    #getonmylevel
  8. Griffin went and got a dictionary.
  9. (These kids are going to be a WRECK later today. AND THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, TERRIBLE PARENTS.)
  10. I just bought some glasses for my character—to make her look smarter, quite frankly. $1250.
  11. ...and then promptly received a notification that I have insufficient funds to pay my utility bills. GTAV just got really real.
  12. A guy with 'pitbull' in his name suggested that, with almost certainty, I will not be able to "handle this."
  13. Honestly, I feel like I'm handling it all just fine.
  14. Some of these kids are tactical warfare geniuses. Sun Tzu type stuff. Our future military is in good hands.
  15. My new favorite kind of player is Random Sigh Guy, who sighs loudly into his microphone every now and again.
  16. Also, I can actually hear roosters in his background.
  17. Annnnd that's my cue. Goodnight, and good luck.