Only-slightly-drunk-listing. #Brands #Travel
  1. At United, we're tired of flying, and it shows.
  2. United is pleased to offer you in-flight wi-fi if you're pleased to offer us a fistful of cash.
  3. You'd think, with all that wi-fi we're trying to sell you, we'd also offer you a way to charge your wi-fi-enabled device while in flight. At United, we don't think so.
  4. At United, we won't bother you about your seat backs being upright, cuz you have no choice.
  5. No, really, press that button on your armrest all you want. See? Told ya. United.
  6. Our United family took time to fill out every Sudoku puzzle in your seat back magazine so you don't have to. You're welcome.
  7. Got trash you'd like to throw away? Not yet. NOT YET, WE SAID.
  8. Oh, you wanted the whole can of Coke? Well, your United flight attendant wanted that paralegal job downtown. But we don't always get what we want, now do we?
  9. Remember all that power we could have diverted to your smart phone? We're using it to illuminate the "no smoking" signs that no one needs reminding about. And we'll never stop doing it. That's a United promise.
  10. At United, we charge you for checked baggage. So you carried on your bags. But we didn't have enough overhead space. So we made you gate-side check your bags. United be crazy like that.
  11. United: we have a plane, and you don't.