[💡] TAKE TIME (AT THE ATM): Graduation Advice from Baz Luhrmann's Less Talented Cousin, Yas
Florida Institute of Technology Class of 2016: as I stand in front of you today, there's a slight lag in our feed. Try to ignore that. And remember this:
- •Take time at the ATM. The assholes behind you can wait.
- •Try not to murder people who disappoint you. They may be useful to you on one of those Who Wants To Be A Millionaire game shows.
- •Dogs are your best friends, don't forget that. Dogs sometimes bite the hands that feed them. Don't forget that, either. Bottom line: dogs are fickle.
- •SPONSORED: Taste the rainbow.
- •Text you mom back. Or don't.
- •Pay your mom back. Or don't.
- •Butt cheese is not a real thing, no matter what you were told in junior high.
- •Sneak in catnaps whenever you can. Your Uber pickup can wait. Plus, they haven't paid yet.
- •SPONSORED: Never let 'em see you sweat.
- •On the first day of your first job, find the most important person in your company and slap them right on the kisser. It's a sign of dominance, your boss will like that. If you don't get fired, it was meant to be.
- •Keep you receipts. All of them. Use them to pad your wallet or purse, like a hilarious Seinfeld episode.
- •Make friends with your weed dealer. Things are about to go south for him, what with legalization on the horizon. Plus, you could use a friend.
- •SPONSORED: 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
- •Help old ladies and children cross the street. Unless they're really dragging their feet. Nobody has time for that.
- •Your parents were right about flossing every day. Don't let them know that. It'll become a thing at Thanksgiving.
- •Snapchat will only make you feel unpretty. Unless you use one of those hilarious filters.
- •Make the most of this life, but don't ask why. It's something unpredictable that, in the end, is right. I hope you had the time of your life.