[🍽] THOUGHTS OF A PORTUGUESE WAITER RUNNING THE COMPLIMENTARY BREAKFAST BUFFET THIS MORNING

  1. Ho boy, here they come.
  2. Yes, good morning, good morning. No, that means "good god." Jesus.
  3. We have three types of cereal. That's plenty. I don't know what a Golden Grahams is.
  4. No, we don't have larger plates. Why do you need a larger plate?
  5. The cheese is too slimy? This is the first time you've seen real cheese, yes?
  6. The coffee is more bitter than your liking. By design. There are enough sugar packets here to put you into a coma. Go crazy.
  7. "Go into food service," they said. "Why would you want a government job?" they said.
  8. The eggs are room-temperature because you decided to get five courses at once. Might I suggest one plate at a time?
  9. I don't know what an "Activia" is.
  10. Thank you for the explanation. I am truly sorry for your bowels.
  11. No, ma'am, I do not have a plastic baggy so that you may take five bagels with you.
  12. Yes, good day, good day. No, I know nothing of your kayak excursion this morning.
  13. To think, my grandfather was a bullfighter. I have failed you, Papa.