1. Someone viewed a page you created three years ago.
  2. Your post isn't doing as terrible as usual! Would you like to spend some money and make it do even slightly more better?
  3. Hey, real quick, is this still your phone number?
  4. Hey, real quick, are you sure you're *still* single?
  5. Hey, real quick, do you know any of these people? No? Well, would you like to add them as friends, anyway?
  6. A childhood friend of yours is celebrating a birthday today. Post a generic greeting on their wall or they'll notice—we'll make sure if it.
  7. Remember this, from EXACTLY one year ago? Man, your life seemed so much better then.
  8. YO! That charity event you said you might go to when you knew, full well, you wouldn't? IT STARTS IN ONE HOUR!!!!
  9. Oops! Facebook's bad. Accidentally hit the notification button, but nothing has actually happened on your account. For a while now.