[🙏🏻] WHAT MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS MEAN WHEN THEY SAY THESE THINGS
(It's ok everyone, I worked in a church, so I'm ordained to share these little secrets of the faith.) #Words
- •We're just gonna love on each other.We're getting together, but it's not sexual and it's DEFINITELY not gay.
- •Worship was so awesome this morning!They played my favorite songs and the smoke machines really made me emotional. You know, like EVERY CONCERT EVER.
- •I'll pray for you.I will acknowledge your need now, but probably won't actually do something about it.
- •Back in Bible times...Even though it's the ONE book I'm supposed to know, I have very little understanding that the events of the bible take place over thousands of years and not within a singular timeframe with consistent societal norms and customs.
- •God is so good!Things turned out well for me/you!
- •God works in mysterious ways.Things did not turn out well for me/you.
- •I know the Truth because I have faith!Ok, honestly, the way I usually know things are true—with verifiable facts, well-documented activity, and the scientific method—doesn't really work here, and I need a trump card.
- •That's my smokin' hot wife over there.[youth pastors only] While we suspect Jesus and His disciples remained single, we American Christians know that one of the benefits to leading in the church is access to hotter-than-usual spouse material.
- •Well bless his heart!Poor bastard.
- •According to the Bible...I assume everything in the bible is prescriptive for your life (you let me worry about my own life) and that the authors weren't just describing a place/time or, you know, writing poetry.
- •Jesus.The writers of Jesus.
- •Hate the sin and love the sinner.I really struggle with "loving my enemies" unconditionally, so I like to sneak a little hate into the equation. It helps me feel superior.
- •Amen.THANK GOD that's over!