This is the most proud @pili_ervin has ever been of me.
  1. In middle school, I had a new set of friends who were impressed with how hilarious I was.
    (Still am, obviously.)
  2. But, as a middle schooler, I was not very confident in myself, and since I heard all of my snarky comments all day long in my head, the charm of them had worn off, and I lived my life not realizing how uproariously funny I actually am.
  3. So I was asking my dad why people thought I was so funny.
    I did not realize how little joy some people got from watching terrible infomercials, or that not everyone's coping method was jokes.
  4. My dad is a bit of a snark himself, so he tried to teach me with a joke.
  5. He said, "Lauren, ask me why I never had a career in comedy."
  6. What I was supposed to do was say, "Dad, why didn't you have a career in comedy."
  7. Which he would interrupt by saying "timing."
  8. Showing that he actually has great timing, and implying that he has magnificent timing, and the only reason he didn't have a career in comedy was a cruel, cosmic injustice.
  9. But I'm no schmuck.
  10. So I just said, "Why?"
    Not enough time to interrupt, see?
  11. And my dad, disappointed, said "No, ask me the full question."
  12. I shrugged my shoulders and repeated "Why?"
  13. My mom stepped in to save my dad, and we went about our day, fake-laughing at a bad joke. We ordered our meal at The Spaghetti Factory.
  14. And we ordered drinks, natch.
  15. We talk about normal things - the weather, my dollar bill origami talents, the Perfect Pancake infomercial.
    You flip, but they flip. 😭😭😭
  16. And the table next to us sees my superb elephant made out of a dollar bill, and asked me to make one for them.
  17. Feeling like a celebrity, I oblige.
  18. And our drinks come - Diet Cokes all around.
  19. And as my dad takes his first, large drink of soda, I hyper-speed, hyper-snarky fire off "Dady, why'd you never have a career in comedy?"
  20. And he nearly chokes on his soda to answer me, but he knows.
  21. And I know.
  22. I have won this joke.