THINGS THAT WILL MAKE ME PUT MY DAD IN A HOME

Make no mistake, this will not be a white collar resort nursing home. This will be a federal, pound me in the - well, you get the picture. THIS IS NOT A COMPLETE LIST.
  1. Thinking a "breadstick sandwich" was a large breadstick, with a regular sized breadstick and marinara sauce inside.
  2. Using the phrase, or variations of the phrase, "I'm getting the band back together."
  3. Confusing an iPhone keyboard with a typewriter.
  4. Wearing shorts always, despite wind/rain/snow/sleet/hail/etc.
  5. Wearing short shorts
  6. Suggesting using Comic Sans, unless instructing a young girl on what font to use for her essay about unicorns being the cutest animal
  7. Buying Oreo Thins
  8. Buying Golden Oreos
  9. Buying Golden Oreo Thins
  10. Making references to thongs
  11. Holding his phone arm's length away from his face, eyebrows raised and eyes wide, trying to read a text
    Expedited sending-to-a-home for opening mouth and typing with a pointer finger to reply to said text
  12. Use the phrase "get jiggy with it."
  13. Attempt to rewind a DVD once he's done watching it
  14. Revert to using a flip phone
  15. Suggest that the world was better in any way before widely available high speed internet was available
  16. Buying an artificial Christmas tree