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Your history teacher didn't teach you these crazy events in grade school!
  1. The Trojan Horse
    After the horse made its way inside, hundreds of troops fell out shouting "ITS JUST A PRANK BRO!"
  2. The British Invasion
    America was confused by this term referring to the wave of British bands in America and ended up nuking all of Northern Ireland.
  3. The Invention of the Light Bulb
    Thomas Edison had a great idea. He could steal somebody else's invention, and take all the credit! However, he was sued for having the lightbulb appear over his head.
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Next time you have to ditch someone for important things (or-lets be honest-to masturbate) you can use on of these excuses and probably ruin your connection with that person.
  1. Just sprint.
    Just keep on running. Run until you've escaped all your problems.
  2. Straight up commit suicide.
    Just kill yourself, end all obligations.
  3. Say you have a doctor's appointment.
    Then go into grotesque detail about what you need to see them for. They probably won't hang out with you for at least a week.
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Spice things up in the bedroom/kitchen/bathroom stall/jail cell with these sexy tips!
  1. The Creamed Corn
    Ejaculate into a Fritos Scoop and have your partner eat it.
  2. The Joseph McCarthy
    Screw them on national television for a month.
  3. Doggystyle
    Sending nudes on snapchat with the dog face filter applied.
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