Top Five Excuses to Use

Next time you have to ditch someone for important things (or-lets be honest-to masturbate) you can use on of these excuses and probably ruin your connection with that person.
  1. Just sprint.
    Just keep on running. Run until you've escaped all your problems.
  2. Straight up commit suicide.
    Just kill yourself, end all obligations.
  3. Say you have a doctor's appointment.
    Then go into grotesque detail about what you need to see them for. They probably won't hang out with you for at least a week.
  4. Say my dog ate my homework.
    It's relevant whenever.
  5. Tell them the truth.
    Or tell them a lie, followed by another lie that is presented as the truth.