TOTALLY NORMAL CONVERSATIONS I HAVE WITH MY PARTNER

  1. How the British tabloids found out about my partner's affair with the queen and subsequent booty crown he wears around the house.
  2. Pigs are lucky because they become bacon. People should be used to the fullest extent just like animals when we die.
  3. My partner being turned on by androgynous singers when he was younger.
  4. The merits of the reverse strip tease. You can just leave!
  5. Stop gyrating and go.
  6. Recommending using a golf club in a thunderstorm because eighties movies.
  7. Spoon emojis and lack there of.