1. Have a beard.
    I'm a lady!
  2. Make my own beer.
  3. Ride a fixed gear bike.
    There is no bike, and if there were, it sure as hell would have brakes.
  4. Grow things on my roof.
    It's a rental, and I am barely keeping my house plants alive.
  5. I live in Greenpoint, not in an episode of Girls.
  6. Live near Roberta's.
  7. Go to warehouse parties.
    I'm not invited.
  8. Know how to paint/sculpt/throw (clay?)/ride a skateboard.
  9. Have any tattoos.