My Childhood Bagel-Eating Method: A Step-By-Step Guide
It amazes me that I turned into a (relatively) normal adult.
- 1.Toast an everything bagel until it is dark.I lived in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, so the best bagels on the planet were literally just from the grocery store.
- 2.Slather Skippy Reduced Fat Smooth Peanut Butter all over it.Regular PB tastes strange to me because this was all my parents ever had in the house.
- 3.Let the PB melt into the warm bagel.Normal.
- 4.Lick off all the peanut butter.Uh oh...
- 5.Nibble off all the edges of the bagel.What is this nonsense??
- 6.Take off the toasted top. Place it aside.What? Why? Just eat the fucking bagel.
- 7.Eat all the soft insides of the bagel.Can we get this over with already??
- 8.Eat the toasted top.Freak.
- 9.Congratulations! You've eaten your bagel!When I was little, I used to think my soulmate would be the person who ate his bagel this same way. I now realize I would never want this insane person.