My Last Relationship as a Playlist
I should preface this request by saying I've been very happily in a relationship for almost a year and a half, but my ex-boyfriend before this wonderful man really did a number on me. We were on-again/off-again for about 8 months and it did not end well.
- •"Everything Is Awesome!" from The LEGO MovieWe saw this movie on our second date, where we spent a full ten hours hanging out after spontaneously texting each other at the exact same time. We couldn't say goodbye. Everything WAS awesome. We'd known each other for two days and were already smitten. He told me he hadn't been this excited about someone in longer than he could remember.
- •"Tesselate (acoustic)" by alt-JWhen everything was good and interconnected. I had a particularly memorable orgasm to this song on his sex playlist.
- •"I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The DarknessHis go-to karaoke song. "It seems crazy, but it seems crazy right," he told me, addressing the fact that four days in, he asked me to be his girlfriend. "We're in the best kind of trouble," he told me.
- •"Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez (covering The Knife)We were so drunk on the New Relationship Serum. "Ten days of perfect tunes...we had a promise made/ We were in love." We never said I love you, but this fast-falling wasn't sustainable. The night we listened to this song together, we were driving back from a horrible night in Santa Barbara. Six days later, he broke up with me.
- •"I Wanna Get Better" by BleachersWhile not a break-up song by any means, it was for me as I blasted it, windows down, driving down Venice Blvd and trying not to cry.
- •"begin again" by Purity Ring"Start over, oh darling, begin again." A month after our break up, we got sucked back in. We went on fancy dates and out dancing. It was good for another month, but that seemed to be the shelf life of every iteration of our relationship.
- •"The Suburbs" by Mr. Little Jeans (covering Arcade Fire)He introduced me to Mr. Little Jeans, so of course I would run into him when she performed at Amoeba, a month after the second time we ended things.
- •"Poke" by Frightened Rabbit"I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you" is part of the reason it kept happening again and again. He hurt me every time but wasn't an asshole so I couldn't detach. But he let me back in every goddamn time.
- •"Lungs" by CHVRCHES"I will sell you a future you don't want, like I did last time." "Taking every chance to find solutions that never make anyone happy." I never told him I loved him but we both knew I did and he didn't, which is exactly why I never said it.
- •"Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?" by Arctic MonkeysThe time before the last time I saw him, after getting dinner and sleeping together, he called me, high, to bemoan his intangible pursuit of his perfect woman (after finishing watching How I Met Your Mother and feeling jealous of Ted and The Mother). He knew it was unfair of him to say to me, but he said it anyway. The next time I saw him, he brought a date to the show we were seeing together and didn't tell me. I was finally out. He was finally an asshole.
- •"Bad Dream" by Nick Thorburn (Serial theme season 1)The time before the last time I saw him, we talked about Adnan and Serial, and the rest of the time I listened to that podcast, I always thought of him. I wanted to discuss theories and know what he thought of everything. But I didn't. I didn't reach out. I was done.