People I May Know, According to My Facebook

Yes, Facebook, I do know these people. But stop. Please stop.
  1. First OkCupid date, who had told me he was an electrical engineer, but on our date revealed he was actually an unpaid life coach.
    We went on one date a year ago.
  2. The guy who comes to fix the printer at my office and sends me texts with excessive emojis and punctuation.
  3. Tinder guy who wanted to meet at the Burbank In-N-Out and definitely had crazy eyes.
    We met once over two years ago.
  4. The network exec on the show I work on.
  5. Tinder guy who I cancelled on twice and never actually met.
    We talked almost a year ago.
  6. The lady who cut my hair when I lived in my old apartment.
    The last time I went to her was 9 months ago, she spent the entire time yelling at her 13-year-old daughter.
  7. Tinder guy who lived 30 miles away and seemed super nice until he flipped out at me for not wanting to drive 30 miles to meet someone who could be a murderer, so we never met.
    We talked almost two years ago.
  8. A girl I met while on a first date with an ex. She was with her boyfriend and couldn't believe that it was our first date. We exchanged numbers and never talked again.
    We met over a year and a half ago.
  9. Tinder guy who was in a band who I never met.
    We talked almost two years ago.
  10. Coworker I've never had a conversation with.
  11. Tinder guy who added me on snapchat to send me photos multiple times a day and worked at a bar near my old house. He was sweet but definitely dumb and I avoided that bar until I moved away so I never had to meet him.
    We talked a year and a half ago.