Rape Stereotypes Dismantled By My First-Hand Experience
Inspired by @emilyannlosey. This is not to say that these stereotypes don't also happen, but they are less common than you'd think.
- •Rapists are strangers.Mine was a guy I was dating. It happened on our fourth date.
- •Rapists are creepy old men with unmarked vans and glasses.Mine was a cute, charismatic, well-educated 26-year-old who worked in my field.
- •Rapes happen in dark alleyways.Mine happened at his house.
- •It's not rape if you didn't struggle.My body's response was to freeze. I was totally still the entire time he was inside me. Still rape.
- •There's one particular behavior of a rape victim, and if you don't exhibit that specific hysteria, you must be lying or exaggerating.People react differently. I stayed at his house for hours after, trying to normalize and justify the situation. We walked to Gelson's and got a tub of Tillamook ice cream I can never eat again.
- •If you don't report it, you must be lying or exaggerating.I didn't report mine because I knew it would be a case with very little evidence except my word against his. Lawyers don't generally take on cases like that.
- •Rapes happen when people are drunk.They do, of course, but we were both stone-cold sober.
- •If you're vocal and open about your sexuality, you must always want it.We had talked about sex several times before. But no still means no. It meant no when I told him that I didn't think we should have sex when we met up, at dinner, while he was on top of me.
- •When people say "no," they're playing a game and really mean "yes," they just want their partner to work for it.No just means no.