1. "You look really skinny."
    Guy I worked with at Target 6 years ago. He still works there.
  2. "I totally Internet stalk you!"
    Several very popular people from my high school class who I haven't spoken to in 8 years.
  3. "Merry Christmas. I said Merry Xmas, bitch!"
    A guy walking down the street in Baltimore who was upset I didn't acknowledge him.
  4. "Let's take a selfie!"
    My mom, who doesn't know how to use her phone AT ALL.
  5. "I've seen you in videos where you may or may not have been wearing clothes?"
    A stranger trying to place where he knew me from, which he, apparently, assumed was porn. See: A Stranger in Baltimore Just Claimed I Was a Porn Star