1. "I was binge watching this show about fucked up families on Hulu...." [I start to realize that he's talking about the show I work on and I made the mistake of telling him that.] "I have some ideas. Can you tell the writers for me??"
    My Lyft driver, who wouldn't let me out of the car until he pitched me some story ideas.
  2. "There's a hole in my pants and I'm not wearing any underwear! You can see my tiny dick. It's so tiny."
    The guy next to me at a comedy show last night. cc: @linzamauve, who can attest to the fact that this guy was the worst human.
  3. "I want to name my kid Scrotum. There's probably twenty women in the world that will let me do that."
    Same guy.
  4. "You should be married."
    Second Lyft driver.