1. "Okay, but what's your day job? Like, how do you pay your bills?"
  2. "You were ENGAGED?!?! The whole time? Well fuck."
  3. "Remember how we matched on Tinder? And then never talked about it? And then it happened a second time. And then we surpassed the time when we could ever bring it up?"
  4. "If you'd just apologized in 11th grade we'd probably still be friends."
  5. "I've never even smoked weed and I probably would have still done molly for you"
  6. "So you defriended me on Facebook, but you know I can see that you watch all of my Snapchat stories...right?"
  7. "I've seen you at Gelson's twice but I don't think you saw me and I can't say hello because duh."