THE LAUNDRY ROOM ACCIDENT: A STORY IN BULLET-POINT FORM

  1. Age 5, discovered fire on gas stovetop.
  2. Curious about the portability of fire, I lit a small crumpled napkin.
  3. Wow. Fire.
  4. Wanted to dispose of said crumpled, burning napkin.
  5. Laid said crumpled, burning napkin on top of the garbage in the laundry.
  6. Noticed the fire was still burning.
  7. Went to kitchen, climbed onto counter to get glass to fill with water and extinguish the burning, crumpled napkin.
  8. Went back to garbage in laundry room and small, crumpled napkin fire had turned into large, burning trash pile.
  9. 3 ounces of water did not extinguish this blaze.
  10. Smelling smoke, my then-showering father ran out of the shower covered in more than 3 ounces of water and quickly placed the burning trash pile into the laundry room sink.
  11. Blaze was extinguished.
  12. Fire experiment complete.
  13. I was allowed out of my bedroom by age 14.