8 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP COMBAT THE VAST, CRUSHING VOID OF EXISTENTIAL ANGST THAT TORMENTS US ALL

Hint: happiness is the key.
  1. 1.
    Buy a pet!
    And the vaccinations, food, pet deposits, and other prerequisites necessary to house another living being. Perhaps a rock would be better.
  2. 2.
    Find a new hobby!
    Just make time for it between working, eating, sleeping, and if you're one of *those* people: exercising and socializing.
  3. 3.
    Take a shower!
    Even though no amount of water could possibly wash away how much you stink.
  4. 4.
    Learn something new!
    But really just skim through a National Geographic article and post a loose synopsis on Tumblr.
  5. 5.
    Get a new job!
    Ship your resume out into the dark pit of "We've received your application" auto-replies, anti-millennial social disposition, and smoldering economy.
  6. 6.
    Make some new friends!
    And summon the motivation required to grab $7 watery PBRs at that underwhelming pub-club across town.
  7. 7.
    Do one small thing every day!
    But isn't everything we do small considering the incomprehensible scope of the universe? Whatever, I guess your dreams and aspirations are valid or something.
  8. 8.
    Watch Netflix and eat an entire frozen pizza.