annoying things couples do

I'm single but my closest friends are all in relationships. this list is 100% fueled by jealousy
  1. use "we" instead of "I"
    "not sure what we're doing tonight - I'll let you know!" um?? I don't care what your crusty bf is doing, I invited YOU, girl
  2. send me snapchats of each other
    I LITERALLY just received a snapchat of my friend's boyfriend wit her saying "I love you! I LOVE you!" and him not responding. wow. true love. glad I watched that. thanks.
  3. talk just to each other in large groups
    y'all are together all the time - what is SO important that you have to discuss it right now? save it for the car ride home, Jessica!
  4. touch each other
    why do couples have to be in CONSTANT.PHYSICAL.CONTACT.?????? you don't need to squeeze her thigh right now, Jeremy, you really don't
  5. complain about being a couple
    "the bed just isn't big enough!" sorry, Brianna, my bed is enormous and has plenty of room for laptops, snacks, and extra pillows
  6. complain about the other BUT NEVER FIX IT
    hey girl: if you think your boyfriend's brother is annoying - DO👏🏼NOT👏🏼TELL👏🏼ME👏🏼 unless you're gonna also tell him. I am not a garbage can you can dump on before you return to your perfect relationship and I go home alone
  7. "you'll understand when you're in a relationship"
    verbatim something a friend said to me last month - I am not worth less than you because I am not dating someone.