WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BEFORE YOU TURNED 30 BUT WE FORGOT TO TELL YOU

We meant to write this article earlier, but you know, life got in the way and then we just forgot and before we knew it, your twenties were over. Sorry! There were like, a ton of other things piling up at the office, and it just kind of fell through the cracks! It’s probably too late for you to take this advice, but here it is.
  1. Wear Sunscreen
    Lathering on the SPF will go a long way in preventing wrinkles as you age. Which would have been great for you to know when you were in your teens and twenties because you could have spent all that time staving off sun damage. Now, at 30, you already know this because you’ve started to form wrinkles that can’t be removed but could’ve been prevented had this advice been published even just two years ago. Not getting this info out to you in time is not our finest moment. We know. Sorry.
  2. Too Much Wine is Never a Good Thing
    By the time you’re 30, liver damage from all the drinking you did in your twenties becomes irreparable. You should have slowed it down when you were younger, and we’re sure you would have, had we properly warned you. We know we shouldn’t make excuses, but there was just a lot of family drama going on with us over the last decade or so. And it totally shouldn’t have prevented us from doing our jobs, but in this case, it did. Please forgive us.
  3. Credit Cards are Not Your Friends
    In your twenties, you expect life to be like Sex and the City, but by the time you turn 30 (which you did, congrats!), you realize you can’t live Carrie Bradshaw’s lifestyle on Carrie Bradshaw’s salary. We’re so sorry. We were in the middle of typing this sentence five years ago but then a really cute dog came into the office and we kind of forgot to come back to it. You probably could have used that advice before you charged those Manolo Blahnik’s to your AmEx, right? Ugh. Our bad!
  4. No Relationship Is More Important Than Your Relationship With You
    You’re better off being alone than wasting your time in the wrong relationship. Now that you’re 30, you probably wish someone (that person being us) had warned you not to blow so much of your twenties trying to make it work with that dick Kevin. And you definitely wouldn’t have moved in with him, had you read this advice exactly when you needed it. Look—we all have our Kevins. We were busy trying to work it out with our Kevins instead of writing this article. Don’t be mad. It happens.
  5. Men Come and Go, But a Good Friend Is Forever
    Yikes! You already destroyed your friendship with Taylor, didn’t you? And it was over Kevin? We’re really, really sorry.
  6. Life Begins at 30…
    ….but you’re one step closer to death because of all the mistakes you made in your twenties that could have all been easily avoided with the proper guidance. Oops!
  7. Sorry we dropped the ball on this! We promise we’re working on the “Things You Should Know Before You Turn 40” article right now. We swear!