Reasons Why Saudi King Salman Won't Be Coming to Camp David for a Middle East Summit With Pres Obama
Heavy is the head that wears that fancy Keffiyeh
- •That's the weekend he was planning on binge watching BETTER CALL SAULHe's not getting why everyone is calling him Jimmy and not Saul.
- •Jealous of Putin who is getting a visit from Secretary Kerry"Oh, but I'm supposed to fly all the way to D.C.!? Putin's a douche!"
- •No new "Bashar Al-Assad is so dumb" jokesHead joke writer spit on the side walk, was executed, leaving the funniest person on staff a woman. King won't take jokes from a woman.
- •Doesn't want to spend first hour of summit discussing whether or not Tom Brady is a cheater"C'mon, man! I could have deflated balls, I'm not going to win a Super Bowl unless I buy the NFL. BTW, how much is the NFL?"
- •Can't decide how many wives to bring on the trip"So fuck it, none of us are going!"
- •Also doesn't want wives getting any ideas on being liberated, free thinking women from Michelle Obama"She's got a law degree!? How did she drive herself to law school?"
- •He's just bushed!Bombing rebels in Yemen, fixing oil prices, Face Timing with Dick Cheney, guy needs a weekend to himself.