BEST PICTURE NOMINEES AS DESCRIBED BY SNL'S STEFON

  1. "The Big Short." It has everything. Credit bubbles, Wall Street strippers, a collapsed housing market, and blond Steve Carell
  2. "Mad Max: Fury Road." This one has post-apocalyptic biker gangs, a green palace, and someone named Imperator Furiosa.
  3. "Bridge of Spies." It has KGB spies, back channel messages, and East German Border Guards.
  4. "Brooklyn" has Irish immigrants, Coney Island breezes, and a priest named Father Flood.
  5. "The Martian." A duststorm on a distant planet, Chinese astronauts, and a journey to the Schiaparelli Crater.
  6. "Room" has yoga in captivity, an escape from Old Nick, and a long-haired little boy.
  7. "Spotlight" has it all: Stale coffee, Boston accents, priests from your nightmares, and communion wafers.
  8. And the hottest movie of the season is..."The Revenant." It has animal pelts, rare bison meat, and bears that sound like Harrison Ford.