People Who Will Not Receive One of My Precious Mcsweeney's Postcards
Now, finally, they will rue the day they earned my ire.
- •Alison Ritholtz, who in 8th grade asked why my eyebrows have grown together.My mother said you picked on me because you liked me, but I have my doubts.
- •Randy Beller, J.C. Penney manager of Men's Dept., who repeatedly rated my maintenance of Briefs & Underwear as "Needs Improvement."I can only hope you're still working there, Randy.
- •Gus, the plumber who told my wife that "somebody" could easily have fixed that before the floor rotted out.I'm a professional book reviewer, Gus. I don't need any help feeling emasculated.
- •Eric Handy, who said his dog does not bite.Yes, I know the "Pink Panther" joke, but it still wasn't funny.
- •Joyce, the Verizon customer service rep, who promised, on March 23, 2007, that someone would get back to me soon. . . .Can you hear me now, Joyce?
- •Professor Renning, who scrawled on the last page, "I'm going to stop grading your paper now because I've spent more time on it than you did."I keep hoping you'll publish a book that I can review, Dr. Renning.