Things We Do Before We Have the House Cleaned

  1. 1.
    Consider cleaning the house ourselves.
  2. 2.
    Admit that we've tried that, and now the house looks like the inside of a biohazard bag.
  3. 3.
    Get $140 cash
  4. 4.
    Frantically clean house.
  5. 5.
    Argue with wife about why we have to clean the house just before the cleaners come.
  6. 6.
    Hide this:
  7. 7.
    Put this under bed. (Try different bed -- this one has already been raised a few inches off the ground by last month's stash of papers.)
  8. 8.
    Resolve to clean the house ourselves next year.
  9. 9.
    Repress memory of Barbara Ehrenreich saying, "People should just clean up their own damn mess."
  10. 10.
    Be amazed at how great house looks after it's been cleaned.