What Should a Bookish Guy Whose Wife Is Away Bring to a Colleague's Holiday Party?

Hurry -- I have to leave soon!
  1. Do I really have to bring anything if I wear this hat?
  2. This inflatable snowman would have the distinct advantage of being the largest gift.
    Now I'm thinking I should have deflated it before I tried getting it in the car.
  3. This festive Snowman Pillow is adorable, no?
    The cat's done with it, so might as well pay it forward.
  4. They probably already have an elf, but I could bring a shelf!
    Every year, believe it or not, I'm the only guy who brings a shelf.
  5. How hard could it be to make a festive Gingerbread House?
    Saltine crackers for walls, mayonnaise for snow, Advil pills for Christmas lights -- this'll be easy.
  6. Perhaps I could deliver a dramatic reading of "A Child's Christmas in Wales."
    Everybody says my Welsh accent is purfuct!
  7. Is it appropriate to wear and then leave a Christmas tie?
  8. Can you eat cranberries raw?
  9. Could this be my chance to unload the clock that plays Christmas carols on the hour?
    I particularly hate it from 1 AM to 6 AM.
  10. What says Merry Christmas like 387 poetry collections?
    I could put them in a festive bag!