PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIE
Here comes the new star wars and it aint yr daddy's old star wars or the ones you watched on vhs back when Bush was in office. Here is one fan's speculation:
- •There will be a guy wearing a cape!
- •Someone who grew up on a desert planet will go have an adventure on a planet with a much different climate. Maybe a planet made of styrofoam...or leather
- •A robot will do something that makes everybody laugh
- •At long last, we see Chewbacca's dick...and it is small
- •One guy will shoot a laser gun at a dude with a laser sword because in the stars, knives and bullets don't exist
- •At some point they're all going to be flying around in a spaceship and Han Solo will say something badass and then kick that sucker into first gear
- •Yoda is gonna Hulk out at Vader
- •Halfway into the movie the good guys are going to catch the bad guy but then it turns out that getting caught was part of his plan the entire time and the good guys just played right into the bad guy's hands by catching him
- •The famous Force that everyone is always talking about is going to be played by Matt Damon but act surprised like when he showed up in Interstellar-Ok, this is a prediction AND an instruction. So sue me.
- •"Luke" will still have a fairly normal name even though everyone else in the universe gets a name like Trimbo or Darth Greedman
- •Maybe a red lightsaber will identify as a blue lightsaber because we are more open minded about those things today compared to back when Star Wars premiered in 1953