CHILDHOOD PETS, RANKED

  1. 3.
    Hermit Crabs
    They died quickly and without much fanfare. It's tough to love a crab.
  2. 2.
    Koi
    We had a Koi pond. Well, to rephrase my dad decided to build an enormous Koi pond himself. Upper and lower ponds, two waterfalls, it was ambitious. And somehow, impossibly, amazingly, he figured out how to do it, with no previous pond construction experience. Not one Koi has lasted a full year. Herons!!!
  3. 1.
    Basement Spiders
    Easily the best survival rate, with many living the entirety of their natural lifespans. They never bit me, and apparently they provide some utility by eating insects. So shoutout to my roomies the spiders.