TV FLOPS I WANT ON DVD➕➕ (OPEN LIST)

Yes, DVD. Not streaming. Because these beautiful disasters deserve audio commentaries. Add the monster babies you'd like to see reborn.
  1. Models Inc.
    Words cannot describe how intensely I loved this Melrose Place spinoff--except for maybe, "I invited Carrie-Anne Moss to my Bar Mitzvah." (Leave it to the 12 year old homosexual to fixate on the Norma Desmond model rather than any of the sexbombs surrounding her.) As part of a mid-series retool, Aaron Spelling brought Emma Sams into the ensemble, hoping she would do for Models what Heather Locklear did for Melrose. It makes sense. Because Emma Sams = Heather Locklear.
  2. Central Park West
    After the cancellation of Models, my thirst for lambasted evening soaps was sated with this CBS effort to steal young viewers from Fox. A drastic change of direction occurred mid-series: they recoined it "CPW," canned Mariel Hemingway, and decided to play to the typical CBS demographic...by hiring Gerald McRaney & Raquel Welch (whose best scene included a wrestling match with Lauren Hutton). A slew of pre-hiatus episodes never aired, meaning the first "previously on CPW" was about six minutes.
  3. The Bradys
    TV cultists tend to focus on The Brady Bunch Variety Hour (with good reason), but this attempt to tap into the Dallas fan base with a soapy and dramatic depiction of the grown Bradys should not go ignored. Marcia is an alcoholic. Bobby is in a wheelchair. Tiger is still missing.
  4. The Charmings
    What if Snow White, Prince Charming, and their brood--including a wicked stepmother-in-law (PLAYED BY JUDY PARFITT!!!)--moved in next door? A midseason revamp included recasting Snow White and a lounge-like solo from the Magic Mirror introduced me to "Saturday Night Is the Loneliest Night of the Week."
  5. Hi Honey I'm Home
    What if your favorite 1950s sitcom family--think the Cleavers--moved in next door? Hi Honey I'm Home and The Charmings are strong indicators of late 80s/early 90s anxieties around traditional family values, economic affluence, and displacement; so, obviously, hilarity ensues. Features a teenage Julie Benz.
  6. Woops!
    The Last Man on Earth owes a great debt to this series, ranked by TV Guide as one of the 50 worst sitcoms of all time, which followed six survivors of a nuclear holocaust forced to live in a house together (where things stopped getting friendly and started getting real). SPOILER ALERT: a very special Christmas episode revealed there was a seventh survivor--Santa Claus! Amongst its stars was Meagen Fay whom I had first seen on..
  7. Carol & Company
    This short-lived entry on NBC's Saturday night lineup (alongside The Golden Girls and Empty Nest) served as my introduction to Carol Burnett (alongside Annie). Its cast included Richard Kind, Terry Kiser (Bernie himself--of Weekend fame), and sketch comedy legend Peter Krause.
  8. Flying Blind
    It's Dharma and Greg if (1) Dharma were less of a hippy and more of an outright slut and (2) Greg were a neurotic Jew. It rivals Spanglish as the best use I have ever seen of Téa Leoni's talents as the sexy free-spirit. Which reminds me...
  9. Free Spirit
    It's Bewitched for the 80s. Which means, of course, Mom is dead and Samantha is the hired help. Co-starring a pre-Buffy Allyson Hannigan, who would sail through similar waters on the big screen in My Stepmother Is an Alien, which starred Kim Basinger but was originally a vehicle for Shelley Long, which reminds me...
  10. Good Advice
    Shelley Long is marriage counselor whose own marriage falls apart! Plus, she shares an office suite with Treat Williams--A DIVORCE LAWYER! Hilarity ensues. In a Buzzfeed piece about The Comeback, Michael Patrick King made reference to Long having a "mental collapse in the middle of the series." Perhaps that's why, in season two, Teri Garr joins the cast as Shelley's ditzy sister. Which reminds me...
  11. Good & Evil
    I remember little of this Susan Harris (Soap, The Golden Girls) created series about two sisters, each personifying one of the moral characters of its title, except that it was funny, despite its creepy theme, and starred Teri Garr, Marian Seldes (Great Lady of the American Stage), Brooke Theiss (Great Lady of Just the Ten of Us), and Seth Green (Great and Powerful Oz).
  12. Kelly Kelly
    Shelley Long is an Ivy League professor who falls for Robert Hayes's blue collar fireman, quickly marries him and then must raise the three kids he has from his deceased first wife. This sitcom was supposed to put fledgling WB on the sitcom map. I could never find it. Literally, I never saw a single episode because I couldn't figure out what channel the WB was on.
  13. The Five Mrs. Buchanans
    This Marc Cherry penned sitcom found four sisters-in-law--including Harriet Harris and Judith Ivy (as the neurotic, New York Jewish one!)--battling with their domineering mother-in-law...EILEEN HECKART! Which reminds me...
  14. Partners in Crime
    Lynda Carter and Loni Anderson star as mismatched ex-wives of the same man, a private detective whose murder they must team up to solve. After foiling an attack from his murderer by STEPPING ON A SQUEAKY FLOORBOARD, they decide to open their own detective agency. They are assisted by their ex-mother-in-law, Eileen Heckart. Its 13 episodes were aired, re-aired and re-aired again in the early days of Lifetime, along with...
  15. Lady Blue
    I remember TV Guide's Fall Preview called it "Dirty Harriet." It was super violent and included a scene in the Chicago projects with a woman trying to flee her attacker and banging on doors that didn't open. Nightmares. For. YEARS. It had a rocking theme song sung by replacement Broadway Dreamgirl and future star of NBC's Nurses Arnetia Walker.
  16. Princesses
    Three different "princesses" (a wasp, played by Julie Haggerty; a "JAP," played by Fran Drescher; and an actual princess, played by Twiggy) are forced to live in one apartment together. Hilarity ensues. But not for Haggerty, who walked off the set. When the show was yanked from the air, I remember reading that it would be retooled and brought back without the Airplane! star. I'm still waiting. I should note that this was my introduction to Drescher and the reason I later watched The Nanny.
  17. Good Sports
    Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal started as dueling co-anchors of a sports show. Will they or won't they??? The two things I remember most about this show are its opening credits, which had them lustily attacking each other and culminated in Ryan leaving Farrah hanging from a chandelier, and a press interview for it in which Farrah was asked why she wanted to return to series television for the first time since Charlie's Angels. Ryan answered, "She doesn't! She's only doing this for me."
  18. One West Waikiki
    Speaking of Charlie's Angels, in this series, Cheryl Ladd is a sexy, early-middle-aged medical examiner who solves crimes with Richard Burgi, a sexy, early-middle-aged detective who was actually named Mack. It was like Quincy meets Bones in Hawaii with a dash of Geritol thrown in. Aired on CBS. Obviously.
  19. Baby Boom
    Kate Jackson as J.C. Wiatt? Yes, please! Also stars the likely pairing of Joy Behar and Sam Wannamaker. Speaking of small screen adaptations of hit movies...
  20. Working Girl
    Sandra Bullock as Tess McGill? Yes, please!
  21. Baby Talk
    It's not Look Who's Talking. It's Baby Talk! Starring Connie Selleca. Wait. No. Revamped. Starring Julia Duffy and George Clooney. (Yes, he was billed below Julia Duffy.) Wait. No. Starring Mary-Page Keller and Scott Baio. (With the judge from Legally Blonde/the Pinesol lady as the sassy black best friend.) (And, yes, there was a time when Scott Baio was chosen over George Clooney.) My brother still likes to tell people how I bawled when this was cancelled. In my defense, I was 8.
  22. Open House
    Speaking of Mary Page Keller (Camp Wilder, Joe's Life, Baby Talk, Emeril), here she teamed with the OTHER greatest sitcom star that never was, Allison LaPlaca (Stat, The Jackie Thomas Show, Tom, The John Larroquette Show), in this retool of the equally successful Duets revolving around two real estate agents and their man-hungry receptionist...Ellen DeGeneres.
  23. Wind On Water
    1998 NBC drama starring Bo Derrick as the proud matriarch of a family of Hawaiian cattle ranchers. An evil hotel corporation tries is trying to buy their land and the audience is expected to root for Derrick as if this land is her birthright. The series never acknowledges Derrick's land once belonged to native Hawaiians before it was no doubt taken from them. If you think this show could somehow be good, please know the executive producer was Zalman King of The Red Show Diaries. Hilarious.
    Suggested by   @notalexreid
  24. Wonderful list! Perhaps you could add Fox's early-'90s "Babes"? Three plus-sized sisters - Marlene, Darlene and Charlene - who shared a studio apartment and carved out their life in the city...
    Suggested by   @wsmolen