MIXOLOGY TIPS

For all u booze hounds out there...
  1. Making a Negroni? Throw in a live sardine to make it even tastier if you are a penguin.
  2. Molecular gastronomy is big on finding new ways to experience cuisine on a sensory level, so how about instead of a martini that you drink, a martini that keeps bugging you to come see its improv show and then finally you do and it's ok, but not great, and frankly you wished you'd just stayed home and caught up on Mr. Robot.
  3. Cocktail idea: The Abe Vigoda - pour 9 oz of room temperature gin into a mug with a picture of Abe Vigoda on it. Serve.
  4. If Guy Fieri has taught us one thing, it's that the best way to add flare to an old classic is a flashy name. So instead of "gin and tonic," tell your guests they're drinking a "Guy Fieri's Gizzle Tizzle," instead of "rum punch," a "Guy's Rumtastic Punchinator," and instead of "water," a "Fieri's Own Wet-N-Wild Quenchplosion."
  5. Instead of normal ice cubes, freeze the tears you cried when Courtney left you. Then you can relive the salty misery of heartbreak the next time you make a Mojito or Caipirinha!
  6. Two words: espresso beans. Two more words: Ayn Rand. Two more words: space program. Do with that what you will.
  7. Remember, there's no such thing as too much pasta sauce.
  8. When in doubt, improvise. On saxophone. Over the third chorus of 'A Night in Tunisia.' Then Benny will take a chorus, then drums and bass will trade eights on the bridge, then back to the head straight through the coda. Got it? Right on. A' one two three four...
  9. Not feeling a cocktail? That bottle of Sprite Remix you've been storing in your wine cellar since 2004 should be reaching its peak about now. Go ahead and pop that bad boy open.
  10. Whatever you do, just remember your A-B-Cs of mixology: A - Alcohol (make sure your drink has lots of it). B - Blood (human or animal, you want at least a pint in there). C - Carey (would comedian Drew Carey like this drink? If yes, you're on the right track.)
  11. Now go make like Tom Cruise in 'Cocktail' and make those spirits sing! Cheers!