Nicknames that I Assume Various Actors Have Given to their Penises

  1. Tom Cruise - Top Gun
  2. Richard Dreyfus - Mr. Holland's Opus
  3. Denzel Washington - Inside Man
  4. George Clooney - Ocean's Seven and a Half
    (Just speculating)
  5. Morgan Freeman - Glory
    (Also possible - Million Dollar Baby)
  6. Christian Bale - The Dark Knight
    (Cuz, you know, sometimes the Dark Knight Rises)
  7. Tom Hanks - Private Ryan
    (Also acceptable - Woody, Big, Apollo Thirteen, The Polar Express, Captain Phillips, Mr. Banks... Has this guy ever made a movie that didn't include a great penile nickname? Is this how he picks projects?)
  8. Benedict Cumberbatch - Benedict Cumberbatch
    Seriously, already the perfect name for a penis.
  9. Will Smith - I am Legend
    (Hancock was a little too on the nose)
  10. Ben Affleck - Gigli
    Aw.
  11. Matt Damon - The Talented Mr. Ripley
  12. Nicholas Cage - The Rock
    (But it's gone in 60 seconds...)
  13. Idris Elba - The Dark Tower
    (Coming soon!)
  14. Johnny Depp - Ed Wood
  15. Hugh Jackman - The Prestige
  16. Peewee Herman: Peewee's Big Adventure
    Suggested by   @mallofamanda
  17. Mark Wahlberg - Invincible
    Suggested by   @linzamauve
  18. Clint Eastwood - Magnum Force
    I'm sure he uses the feel lucky line as well.
    Suggested by   @jaidub
  19. Mel Gibson - Apocalypto. Lethal Weapon. William Wallace. What Women Want.
    Suggested by   @whereandy
  20. Harrison Ford - K-19 (The Widowmaker)
    Suggested by   @whereandy
  21. Will Ferrell-Anchorman
    Or his Taladega, Blade of Glory but never Elf 😉
    Suggested by   @angela3950
  22. Tom Hanks (redux): Big, The Green Mile (don't ask), You've Got Male, and of course, Forest Hump
    Suggested by   @wordytime
  23. Leonardo Dicaprio - The Great Gatsby
    (Wolf of Wall Street, The Aviator, Blood Diamond...?)
    Suggested by   @nikkio