SOUNDS MY STOMACH MADE TODAY
AKA: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK A YOM KIPPUR FAST ON 4 PINTS OF BEER AND 5/8 OF A PIZZA HUT STUFFED CRUST PIZZA AND THEN GO TO WORK THE NEXT DAY
- •"gloruggh"This one (or the sharp pain that accompanied it) woke me up before my alarm.
- •"squrip"While I was eating breakfast. Maybe its way of saying "what are you doing? Don't put more food in me! That's the last thing you should be doing."
- •"glug-a-lug-a-lug"Can't be positive, but I think it was trying to sing along with Kacey Musgaves on the drive to work. Follow your arrow indeed.
- •"splorg"Right when the girl at the desk next to me took out her earbuds to ask a question. Tried to give her an apologetic smile/shrug that said "I promise that was all internal." Now I think she thinks I farted and tried to use it as an in to hit on her.
- •"flurp"When the girl at desk next to me got back from lunch. At which point I began swiveling around in my chair in the hopes that it would start squeaking and I could pass it off as the culprit all along. It did not.
- •"bruh-dunk"Just a mid-afternoon check-in.
- •"shprud-a-fugga-shporf"Hmm, maybe I should go to the bathroom. Let me just finish-
- •"ba-rumffff"OK. Going to the bathroom right now.
- •An ungodly series of varied decibel tones that I will spare you the disgust of recreating here.Let's just say I had a lot of time to compose this list.
- •"brep"Like that moment at the end of the horror movie where the baddie twitches his hand as if to say, "you thought you were done with me. You were wrong."