SOUNDS MY STOMACH MADE TODAY

AKA: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK A YOM KIPPUR FAST ON 4 PINTS OF BEER AND 5/8 OF A PIZZA HUT STUFFED CRUST PIZZA AND THEN GO TO WORK THE NEXT DAY
  1. "gloruggh"
    This one (or the sharp pain that accompanied it) woke me up before my alarm.
  2. "squrip"
    While I was eating breakfast. Maybe its way of saying "what are you doing? Don't put more food in me! That's the last thing you should be doing."
  3. "glug-a-lug-a-lug"
    Can't be positive, but I think it was trying to sing along with Kacey Musgaves on the drive to work. Follow your arrow indeed.
  4. "splorg"
    Right when the girl at the desk next to me took out her earbuds to ask a question. Tried to give her an apologetic smile/shrug that said "I promise that was all internal." Now I think she thinks I farted and tried to use it as an in to hit on her.
  5. "flurp"
    When the girl at desk next to me got back from lunch. At which point I began swiveling around in my chair in the hopes that it would start squeaking and I could pass it off as the culprit all along. It did not.
  6. "bruh-dunk"
    Just a mid-afternoon check-in.
  7. "shprud-a-fugga-shporf"
    Hmm, maybe I should go to the bathroom. Let me just finish-
  8. "ba-rumffff"
    OK. Going to the bathroom right now.
  9. An ungodly series of varied decibel tones that I will spare you the disgust of recreating here.
    Let's just say I had a lot of time to compose this list.
  10. "brep"
    Like that moment at the end of the horror movie where the baddie twitches his hand as if to say, "you thought you were done with me. You were wrong."