1. Bread
    Seriously? I think they've got enough of the stuff already.
  2. Gloves
    Oh yeah? What the hell are they supposed to do - stuff their crusty loaves of rustic goodness into the finger holes? Jeez Louise!
  3. Butter
    Ha ha. You think you're so clever, but really you're just being insensitive, asshole.
  4. A Yamaha keyboard
    Hey doofus! How are they supposed to play? Their hands are bread.
  5. The book, 'Man, Aren't Fingers Great?' by Elmore Hudsplath
    Now you're just rubbing it in. Still a fantastic read though. Just maybe think about saving this one for your friends with fingers.
  6. A bread maker that is also a cat's cradle
    WTF??? You did not think this through at all, did you??
  7. Season 4 of Homeland on blue ray
    Dude, they totally gave up on that show after Brody got killed. Ugh!
  8. Assorted engagement rings
  9. A gift card
    Really? Who gives a gift card? That is totally the lamest gift ever!
  10. A grab bag of Chinese finger traps, castanets and dinner rolls and an instructional video on how to give great handshakes
    Come on, man.