Reasons I will not be on time for my 8 am doctor's appointment tomorrow morning

  1. 1.
    I will not go to bed on time tonight. I will watch ALL THE HOUSEWIVES, both Real and Desperate.
  2. 2.
    When my alarm goes off at an inhumane hour tomorrow, I will repeatedly and rashly hit snooze, with complete disregard for the actual time.
  3. 3.
    I will decide around 7 a.m. that now is a good time to do the dishes and "just clean up a bit."
  4. 4.
    I will realize I have to go straight to work after the appointment. Plus doctors take you more seriously if you look like an adult. I will spend 10 minutes putting on make up.
  5. 5.
    I will wait until a time at which it is logistically impossible to take public transit and still arrive on time, and then wonder if Uber would be faster?
  6. 6.
    Uber will not be faster.
  7. 7.
    I will realize there's No Way In Hell I'm doing this without coffee.
  8. 8.
    I will struggle to find the actual entrance and walk looking frazzled, at which point the receptionist will tell me the doctor is running behind.