1. "And that's why I NEVER wear socks."
  2. “I’m thinking of taking my parents to Chuck E. Cheese so they can have a fist fight  there.”
  3. "How are you getting to [location]?" "I've got legs."
  4. "Andrew's like the bacon monster."
  5. "You trying to cut that cheese last night, no pun intended."
  6. "If you're going to wake me up at 7 in the morning you're going to have snuggles. You better be a cute little person."
  7. "I haven't been liking bacon lately."
  8. "It was good considering you're in the crypt of a church, but like I said it's better than lipstick on a pig."
  9. "I was hit in the head and I was hit in the ear, but I didn't pass out and I was like "is this because I'm drunk?". I was trying to avoid getting shot and I wiped out."
  10. "I'm an idiot." "But you're our idiot."
  11. "You've got a fireball on the right and whatever you want to call it on the other side."
  12. "I aspire to make people happy through coffee."
  13. "Did someone use a rag over here that was so gross they threw it out?"
  14. "You CAN'T shower past 10pm!"