THE 8 STAGES OF THE VICTORIA'S SECRET SEMI-ANNUAL SALE
Because we're all basic bitches sometimes
- •Stage 1: excitementOpens email and discovers the semi-annual sale is occurring this week. Immediately begins planning a trip to the mall. You can almost taste the savings.
- •Stage 2: more excitementGets Starbucks and begins the journey to the mall. Begins to wonder if all the stuff i wanted to buy months ago but didn't because i was too poor to is on sale. Now it becomes a mission, i don't even care that some bitch in the Nordstrom parking lot took the parking spot i had been eyeing.
- •Stage 3: immediate disappointment and slight panicWait literally none of the swimwear is on sale in the store? I ain't paying for online shipping. This is blasphemy I say! What false advertis- .... Okay that's kinda cute, maybe we can work with this.
- •Stage 4: acceptance and stock pilingOkay so that bra is cute, even though it's out of my price range I should still try it on anyway. That always seems to work on Say Yes to the Dress. Besides if I come back for it later I may never find it in these bottomless bins of PINK shit. Okay wow, how is it possible that I have like 10 things to try on now?
- •Stage 5: anger and moral dilemmaNothing fits and the only things that fit and look cute aren't on sale. Crisis mode.
- •Stage 6: existential crisisOkay I know this is full price... But that bathing suit just looked so good. Slaps self. No that bathing suit is too expensive and I repeat YOU DONT NEED IT. Devil taps shoulder... But it's pretty. You walk to the register with you hand held down in shame.
- •Stage 7: buyers remorseDid I really just drop $60 on a bathing suit I didn't need? It wasn't even on sale. This is false advertising! Damn you Victoria's Secret! Maybe I should return it???
- •Stage 8: more anger and anticipationI can't believe I spent so much money on already overpriced shit I didn't need. The sale was definitely better in the past. I'm never going back again. All this store does is take whatever little money I have. But... I said that the last 5 semi-annual sales I shopped at too. Who am I kidding? Like it or not, I'll be back at the next one.