WHAT I WANTED TO BE GROWING UP, CHRONOLOGICALLY
I'm not clever.
- •Age 3: PresidentCOMIN 4 U, IOWA
- •Age 5: NBA playerI am 5'11, moderately athletic at best, and basically translucent.
- •Age 9: President, again.SAMMAN/BIDEN 2016
- •Age 11: Pro tennis playerI won my first match and thought I was the hottest piece of ass alive. A week later the girl I had a crush on called me fat and it was alllll downhill.
- •Age 11: ChemistMy uncle won a Nobel prize and gets to live in Pasadena. Pasadena is a lot nicer than Michigan.
- •Age 16: ConsultantYayyyy Duke stereotypes
- •Age 18: JournalistI wrote things
- •Age 19: Presidential speech writerSort of full circle?