1. They got new glasses, and the prescription is a little off. It's hard to focus.
  2. Something just feels off today. Can't put their collective finger on it, but something.
  3. The Empire Strikes Back is on.
  4. The news media is prone to getting those mouth sores. Not, like, cold sores, but just those really sore spots, like tiny ulcers, you know? Well, just be thankful you don't get them, then. They hurt like hell.
  5. Taste this. Does this taste like Diet Coke, or root beer to you? Root beer, right? That's not what the news media ordered.
  6. New Prince George photos.
  7. The news media got bit by a mosquito – or so they thought – on vacation, but the fight isn't healing as quickly as is typical. So, it's possibly not a mosquito? Should they see a doctor?
  8. Maybe the news media has heard your story about bumping into Jamie Farr before.
  9. The news media forgot why they never wear this pair of Birkenstocks, and now their feet really hurt.
  10. The news media bought a wide ruled notebook, when they really prefer college ruled, and it's just hard to get the words to flow, frankly.
  11. The news media still embarrassed about being totally wrong about Gretchen Mol, lo these many years ago.
  12. The news media is waiting for you to ask how they are, for once.