5 Things I Would Rather Watch Than Cell Phone Footage of a Concert

  1. 1.
    A slideshow of vacation photos featuring you and a minimum of five other people I have never met.
  2. 2.
    A PowerPoint presentation featuring exhaustive research and analysis of why Millennials suck so bad and how we are the worst generation since whichever generation those kids from Lord of the Flies were from.
  3. 3.
  4. 4.
    A crowdfunded documentary on chemtrails and who really shot JFK and who is really responsible for 9/11 in which Carrot Top makes an appearance with a whoopie cushion.
  5. 5.
    The middle school era music video my friends and I shot of the Destiny's Child hit "Jumpin' Jumpin'" featuring me and three other white girls.
    I'm honestly so sorry.