My Mailman Broke Up with Me Because I'm the Worst

  1. just bee-boppin around last night and wandered to my mailbox at 3am looking all shady like some kind of reprobate who checks her mail at 3am
  2. and this is my mailbox I meaaaan
  3. this is why Mailman Luther hates me now WE USED TO BE FRIENDS
  4. then the other day I passed him in the lobby and he threw serious shade when I asked about his cool middle school granddaughter Portia who we're both ob-SESSED with
  5. I just moved to my new apt in December and he was the first real friend I made here like we were straight up KINDRED SPIRITS
  6. we used to gossip ab everyone in the building and he loved me like we were singlehandedly bridging the generational divide
  7. he called me "silly white girl" and I called him Uncle Luther and someone was legitimately writing a pilot about us
  8. I haven't checked my mail in six weeks and honestly can someone explain the logistics of how all of this paper even fit in the little box I don't even...
  9. Uncle Luther just crumpled up actual bills I mean what if I needed those to not be crumpled even though all of this is my fault
  10. 60% of the crumpled mail is just Time Warner being shady AF but sometimes I like to know what shady business they're up to and Luther was like "NOPE" *crumple crumple crumple*
  11. and he's old enough to not think about paying online as a thing so now he thinks I don't pay my bills
  12. and he probably threw away the Christmas card I gave him even though it was REAL cute
  13. so I just went home and watched all of Bloodline season 2 like nothing ever happened
  14. look at Kyle Chandler being a murdery DREAMBOAT I mean liiiike
  15. I bet Luther hates Bloodline
  16. how do we even act around each other now
  17. I should leave a care package in my mailbox for him
  18. actually I really need to know what's going on with Portia bc she's dating a new boy and he sounds like all kinds of trouble but I kind of like it
  19. she's a good girl and can probably save this boy from himself
  20. RIP Luther and Shawn: 2015-2016
    FOR NOW