Real Items On the Hurricane Kit Checklist Distributed by My Apt. Building Staff

Inspired by Hurricane Matthew and My Landlords
  1. The bold choice of color is either Halloween themed or code orange threat level themed, but either way it feels v festive 🍸
  2. Flashlights: makes sense!
  3. Batteries: sure!
  4. Can opener: ok, mom!
  5. Tarpaulins: apparently this means tarp, shout out to the Internet for clarifying
  6. Fire extinguisher: DAD STOP YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME
  7. Duct tape: this feels sinister now tbh
  8. 100 feet of rope or heavy cord: I'M LITERALLY NOT MURDERING ANYONE FOR YOU GUYS
  9. Address book with important phone numbers
    Because we handwrite addresses and phone numbers into a leather-bound book in 2016
  10. Bleach for cleaning and purifying water
    You can drink bleach???!
  11. Snake Bite Kit
    UM WHERE DOES ONE OBTAIN A SNAKE BITE KIT AND WHY ARE SNAKE BITES A SIDE EFFECT OF HURRICANES
  12. Hypoallergenic adhesive tape
    seriously tho where do I buy this stuff should I try World Market??
  13. Missing from list, but I'm sure they just forgot:
    "You must each select an animal of the flock according to your fathers' households, one animal per household...You must have an unblemished animal, a year-old male; you may take it from either the sheep or the goats... then the whole assembly of the community of Israel (and/or apartment building community) will slaughter the animals at twilight. You must take some of the blood and put it on the two doorposts and the lintel of the houses where you eat them."