THE WORST PAINTING COMMISSIONS I COULD EVER RECEIVE

Alternate title, "The Best Painting Commissions I Could Ever Receive" | thanks @stevecady and shoutout to @torihyndman who asked me to write an art request list ages ago
  1. 1.
    "Will you paint a portrait of my father with his ashes mixed in somehow LOL get creative I don't care how you do it"
    Yes I will do it for American monies
  2. 2.
    "I know this is only our first date, but will you paint a portrait of our future firstborn LOL my eyes, your mouth LOL but you're the femmail artist I trust you 😜"
    Yes I will do it for American monies | co-written by Stephen Michael Thomas Cady
  3. 3.
    "I kept all my kid's baby teeth in this jar will you paint it somehow LOL I know I'm a weird mommy, check out my blog"
    Yes I will do it for American monies
  4. 4.
    "Can you paint that feeling where you can't tell if life has meaning or not LOL I can't really describe it"
    Yes I will do it for American monies
  5. 5.
    Will you paint Live Laugh Love on my walls
    No*
  6. 6.
    *
    loljk if the price is right, yes I am a garbage sellout for American monies