Things I've Done to Charge My Phone

I don't endorse this behavior, but also you do you, BBs.
  1. Traded a lock of my hair for a seat near an outlet at Bruegger's Bagels.
  2. Set off the fire alarm in a Starbucks full of elderly tourists who had just disembarked from a greyhound bus.
  3. Bought a McCafe franchise.
  4. Convinced a small child that if their iPad reached 100% charge, the Frozen soundtrack would be deleted from Pandora, Spotify, and Apple Music simultaneously. And that their parents were about to get on the boat with Elsa and Anna's parents.
  5. Talked to a Jehovah's Witness for 30 minutes in a public library.
  6. Joined Scientology, then escaped through the air vents when they said I couldn't talk to my mom anymore, and also their church building didn't have outlets, and also Tom Cruise wasn't even there.
  7. Bought a portable charger.