1. I'll be late to Christmas dinner at my parents' house even though I'm currently at my parents' house
  2. I'm napping as I type this
  3. Mom stopped crying that some of my brothers aren't here long enough to ask me for life updates on my 8th grade classmates
    2 of them died in car accidents and she forgot
  4. I still have no desire to see La La Land call the police
  5. My dog doesn't know I'm a monster
  6. Asked my dad for the new wifi password at 9am and he's still reading it to me this is the longest conversation we've had since he was trying to set me up with his favorite young pastor
  7. I've had to use my little brother's Head & Shoulders Green Apple 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner for two days and I like it who am I wut is real and wut is fake