THE (D)EVOLUTION OF A NIGHT OUT, AS DESCRIBED BY BEVERAGE CHOICE

a day in the life of Team Dirty Party, starring myself, @ColePlambeck, and @jlunde
  1. 7 PM: Bitch beer//Mike's Hard
    you've recovered from last night's hangover enough to think about consuming alcohol again. you're either in public trying to choose a seemingly non-aggressive beverage or (more likely) looking for something easy to drink and hard to spill while in the shower.
  2. 7.15: Wine, from a glass
    your stomach is still turning at the thought of liquor so you've turned to Barefoot Moscato to accompany the getting ready process.
  3. 8.30 PM: Wine, from the bottle//with a straw
    you're aggressively texting your GroupMe to begin the pregame; bonus points if you talk a friend into playing Edward DoubleWinehands with you.
  4. 9.00 PM: Screwdrivers (1-3 refills)
    used to play Screwdriver Pong for an expedited pregaming process.
  5. 10.30 PM: Shots of vodka
    Crystal Head is the preferred choice but Aristocrat or other $12 bottles will suffice if ice cold. Chased with Diet Coke or Diet Mountain Roar (can be purchased at your local Food Lion or other ratchet neighborhood grocery store).
  6. 11.45: Long Island Iced Tea #1
    first stop once in your bar of choice (read: Shooters II); chug in under 90 seconds or risk being called a PAB (pussy ass bitch)
  7. 11.47 PM: LIIT #2
    strategically ordered at the same time as #1 for ease of consumption.
  8. 11.55 PM: Vodka/Cranberry
    when you simply need a drink you won't mind spilling on yourself/others while dancing on the bar
  9. 12.15 AM: Shots of SoCo Cherry
    because someone else is buying and they're on special (your stomach will immediately respond with pangs of regret and shame)
  10. 12.20 AM: ---vomit break---
  11. 12.45 AM: Shots of Fireball
    because someone else is buying and they're too drunk to notice that they're being charged $9-$12 per shot (surprise: someone else may actually be you! be sure to check all bars for your credit card before leaving.)
  12. 1.00 AM: Tequila shot
    (allegedly) slammed after it was (accidentally) handed to you by a random
  13. 1.20 AM: Bud Light tall boy; shotgunned on the dance floor
    no recollection of this event//also accompanied by 4 different people's texts the next morning asking for confirmation of life.
  14. 1.45 AM: Blue Motorcycle
    potent remix of an LIIT spurred by the DJ's "last call for alcohol"//made using a splash of blue curaçao instead of Coke//confirmed makes you vomit blue.
  15. **This list will be updated with further details as they are received via text, tagged photos on Facebook, or Instagram comments.