1. 1.
    guess what I'm stronger than an iPhone screen #tequila
    note to self: this is not a reason for excitement.
  2. 2.
    my liver's name is rihanna because it can take a lot of beatings
    from sophomore year, but high key I still will brag about my liver function to this day
  3. 3.
    It's not worth the assault charge
    actually solid life advice for any situation
  4. 4.
    is my crat defective or n
    considering i was blacked out at 3.52 PM I'm going to guess that the vodka was, in fact, alcoholic
  5. 5.
    help what if I never have any more tastes in my mouth except soco lime for ever and ever and ever?!?!?!
    a serious concern, tbh
  6. 6.
    dance peasants
    this is unclear
  7. 7.
    Xanax will relax your skin #seafood
    also unclear
  8. 8.
    I caught a firefly but he pooped glowinthedark on my hand
    is that even a thing that happens..?
  9. 9.
    belig in my bathtubs who has bubbles??
    tweeted from my tub as I took a bath after vomiting on myself post-mixer, shortly before I tried to make a bubble bath using shampoo, lotion, and more vomit
  10. 10.
    hard black (help)
    I'm glad I at least knew I was blacked out at 3.10 AM
  11. 11.
    verdict: I'm too old to drink 4loko j(plz send help and//fire trucks or ambulance acceptable if no sirens)
    22nd birthday (aka 4 days ago); presumably asking for help but not noise
  12. 12.
    hey fuck you prom how can I get promoted to doctor at age 12
    post-Mockingjay angst that Prim became a doctor while I was still applying to medical schools
  13. 13.
    nothing says freedom like an uber LEFT TURN @annethegrossman #2turnt
    on the 4th of July; apparently I was a little too exited about America Day
  14. 14.
    seriously though FUCK THAT BOY FROM THE GIVING TREE he is the worst
    I mean he does suck, but this was a strong emotional reaction
  15. 15.
    accidentally swallowed a jalepeno plz send help haystacks gone wrong
    this was actually the worst day of my entire life