WHAT I WANTED TO BE GROWING UP, CHRONOLOGICALLY

  1. A garbage can
    age 2; due to an Oscar the Grouch obsession.
  2. Alan Jackson
    ages 3-5; growing up in eastern KY, this is self-explanatory.
  3. A country music singer
    age 5; when it was explained to me that you cannot be a different person as a career.
  4. A doctor
    ages 5-7; when my parents began brainwashing me.
  5. A veterinarian
    age 7; quick phase ended due to my parents' continued brainwashing and a subsequent belief that all animals I'd see would die horrible, painful deaths.
  6. A doctor
    ages 7-18; when I figured out that saying this out loud was the path of least resistance.
  7. A professional tennis player
    ages 10-18; secretly.
  8. A hobo and/or stripper
    ages 18-19; throughout my college general & organic chemistry classes.
  9. A doctor
    age 19; when I realized I actually passed organic chem.
  10. An "Investment Banker/Consultant Thing"
    Age 20; began due to MCAT prep and a realization that this is what 50% of Duke does and ends up with obscenely high starting salaries.
  11. A doctor
    age 21-present; when I questioned my ability to do cocaine regularly for the next 25 years without ending up in rehab. also due to surprise medical school acceptances. prayers for the next 4 years greatly appreciated